Marriage & Romance

Marriage & Romance


Romance is not the easiest word to define, just like love or happiness. Typically, these words mean different things for different people, and that’s okay. I think that’s what makes these words so mysterious and wonderful. When we have a memory or a moment or something tangible and we can say, “This is love, or romance, or happiness,” it is just one of those incredibly satisfying things. When we can recall a first kiss or a treasured gift or the first time we realized how much God loves us, it is a sweet, sweet feeling.

Not only is romance hard to define, it is also ever-changing. What I would have said was “romance” ten years ago, when I was a freshman in high school and had my very first boyfriend, is astronomically different from what I would say romance is now. A lot of people told me marriage would change our relationship, that it would be boring or we wouldn’t date anymore or there would be no surprises once he “put a ring on it.”

Those people weren’t lying. Marriage did change our relationship. Sometimes it is boring. Sometimes we don’t go on a “real” date for weeks. But marriage is amazing. It’s fun and weird and awkward and wonderful because we’re in this together.

My husband and I started dating over five years ago. We didn’t have a super romantic beginning (I told him I was cold, he did not offer me his jacket), but we got there eventually. He offers me his jacket now. He buys me
flowers for no reason. He cooks dinner and I wash the dishes, almost every night. He tells me I’m pretty when I first wake up with bedhead and morning breath.

To someone who is dating or single, these things might seem ridiculous. They don’t sound particularly romantic, do they? Romance is all about fancy dinners and long moonlit walks on the beach, right? Maybe. I definitely find those things romantic. I love getting dressed up and going out with my husband for a nice dinner. I also love coming home from that fancy dinner, putting on our pajamas, and watching Sherlock on Netflix together. That’s romantic to me, too.

For me, romance is all about what my husband and I get to do together. It’s not about the dressing up or spending money or those Instagrammable moments we are able to capture. It’s not about the kind of food we eat or whether or not he opened my car door for me.

It’s about sharing experiences with each other. It’s about growing in our relationship with Christ together. It’s about loving each other more and more each day we spend together.

It might not seem particularly romantic when we are eating dinner off paper plates in front of Netflix in our pajamas on a Tuesday night. It might not seem romantic when he wakes up early to take the first shower so I can sleep a little longer. It might not seem romantic when date night becomes a nap together after a long week.

But it is. It’s romantic to us because we are enjoying each other’s company, growing closer to each other and, in turn, Christ. Marriage isn’t always pretty and sometimes it really isn’t romantic. Sometimes there are dirty socks on the floor and angry words. Sometimes there are disappointments and frustrations. But these things are a part of life. They’re real.

I love my husband, and he loves me. We love each other through the bad hair days, the mistakes, the fancy dinners, the fun vacations, and everything in between. We love each other as we work with our youth group together or do missions alongside each other. We love each other through the good times and the bad, just like we vowed to. And if that’s not romantic, I don’t know what is.

This post originally appeared in the March 2015 issue of Angelic Magazine.
This post has been linked up on Blogelina.

18 Responses to Marriage & Romance

    • I think that's definitely an important part of marriage, being able to just enjoy each other's company no matter how mundane it might seem. Date night for us is going to Publix, haha! But it works for us and I love it. :)

  1. This was a great post! Marriage really does change relationship dynamics in a way that we can't understand until we experience it. But our love runs so much deeper now, and our husbands DO think we're pretty when we wake up. That's a kind of romance you can't get when you're dating. But after many nights of "bed dinner" instead of putting on the ritz, I wouldn't have it any other way :) Thanks again for sharing!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Alexandra! I am so glad you enjoyed my post and that you can relate to it, as well! It's such a nice feeling to know you have someone that loves you the way God does, unconditionally, even with morning breath! 😉

  2. So true. If you truly love each other, you don't need to be swept away 100% of your time with each other. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and we will most likely be getting engaged this year. Sometimes I feel like things are boring between us, but that makes me love our relationship all the more. We can just work in silence together at night, or spend nights where we don't get to see each other much because we have work. But that's what makes a healthy relationship- that normalcy. Great post.

  3. This is so sweet! I'm right there with you. I view Nate and I more as best friends than as a super "romantic" couple but that's totally what makes us work. Marriage rocks! 😉

    • That's such a good point, though: Being best friends is what MAKES marriage rock, I think! If you can be yourself with your husband and just have fun together, then you're definitely doing something right. :)

    • Ahh, Erica, I am so glad you checked out my blog! I love yours so much! And congratulations on your engagement; after reading a few of your blog posts, I know you guys are going to have such a precious marriage!

  4. This was so cute and true. I would trade married Netflix nights for "dating" nights anytime. Being married is like getting to hangout with your best friend everyday and dating isn't necessarily like that.

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