Starting Over

Starting Over

Typically, in the beginning of a journey, the newness makes it fun and unique. Even if it’s a difficult journey, you try really hard and do all you can to make it a successful one. Beginnings can be scary and full of unknown factors, but I always like them because you never know what could happen. You could make new friends or discover new hobbies or grow closer to someone. The possibilities are endless, really. Sure, beginnings aren’t always what we hope or expect, but there’s something about that newness, that clean slate, that bright white background just waiting to be filled in that excites me.

I think this mentality I have is what got me through the first year of my weight loss journey. It was new to track my Points on my super-cool Weight Watchers app. It was fun to look up Points values when we went grocery shopping. It was exciting to add Points to my day when I would exercise and earn Activity Points. It was exhilarating when the number on the scale went down every single week. It was something to celebrate when old clothes that I’d kept around suddenly fit and my usual outfits were way too big.

When everything is going smoothly and you’re on plan and you’re excited and there are daisies and rainbows dotting the horizon, new journeys are awesome. It’s when the newness wears off that we have to make sure we’re on our journeys for the right reasons.

Since January 2014, I’ve lost 55 pounds. I am so proud of that accomplishment. I have gained confidence, new abilities, new friends, and just an all-around better attitude towards life. I am a happier person because I know that when I set my mind to something, I can absolutely follow through. I am happier because I no longer have to sob in a dressing room when clothes don’t fit. I am happier because I have inspired others, and there’s just something really, really positive and exciting about being someone’s inspiration.

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So, yes, I’ve lost 55 pounds since January 2014. However, since December 2014, I have lost zero pounds.

Zero.

Zilch.

Nada.

I am still proud of where I am on this journey. I know that weight loss takes time. I know that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. I know that exercise is a crucial part of weight loss just like the amount and types of food we put into our bodies. I’m honestly not complaining about not losing anything for almost six months because I am happy with where I am and, most importantly, who I am.

I know a huge part of my problem at this point is that the newness of the journey has worn off. It’s no longer exciting to track my Points, it’s just a part of my life now (which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just no longer fun). I don’t get to see the number on the scale go down anymore because it’s been stuck for so long (to be fair, it has gone up and down within about a three pound range the whole time, but still, it’s basically zero). I do still find clothes that I can wear again, which is nice, but I’ve also had to get rid of so many clothes that were too big that I barely have anything left. If anyone would like to donate to the Maegan Needs New Clothes fund, I wouldn’t object. 😉

Another huge part of my problem, unfortunately, is I have slacked off, hard, on exercise. We were doing a really good job last summer, training for 5Ks and trying to be able to run a full mile and then, hopefully, a full 5K. We hit the one-mile mark in October, which was a huge deal and I was so proud. But it didn’t get easier. I did a mile and a half without stopping once, but it seemed like it would be impossible to ever run any farther than that.

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Maybe we aren’t cut out for running, but I’ve seen so many people who never saw themselves as runners keep at it and run 5Ks and 10Ks and marathons (oh my!). I wanted to be one of those people. I wanted to be a running success story. But, when it didn’t get any easier, we just kind of stopped. There were sporadic instances of trying again, but it wasn’t the same. We weren’t determined anymore. We were mostly dwindling, getting ready to accept defeat, waving our white flag.

I didn’t want to accept defeat, though. I didn’t want to say I’m okay at this weight when I know my ultimate goal weight is only twenty pounds away. I wanted to keep at it because I am not a quitter. I would love to eat macaroni and cheese and brownies and pizza every single day, but that’s just not realistic for me. I know that I can eat those things sometimes, and that’s good enough. I am happy where I am, and I know that’s why it’s been so easy to get so complacent lately.

Happy is good. It’s good to love yourself and your body, no matter what size you are, because if you can’t love yourself, why should anyone else? We are all worthy of being loved, and we need to be kinder to ourselves. I wish I could go back in time, if only to tell my starting-weight self that I was beautiful and loved and believe that because it was and is true. Our weight is a number on a scale and should not define us.

So, yes, I’m proud of where I am, but my journey isn’t over yet. Weight loss journeys rarely end, and that’s okay, too. It’s been a fun journey, full of acceptance and new experiences and learning a lot, so I think it’s okay that this journey is an ongoing one. As far as the running goes, we started Couch to 5K yesterday and it went really well. Sometimes, you just have to try again. Add new things into old journeys to make them new and exciting again.

There's no shame in starting over.

We might not ever run a marathon. We might not ever win a medal at a race. But we aren’t giving up. We’re just starting over, and there’s no shame in that.

This post has been linked up on Jebbica’s World and Finding Joy in the Everyday.

34 Responses to Starting Over

  1. I am SO with you on this one! SO many times lately I have contemplated if I should just start completely over with Day One! Nothing I seem to be doing lately gets me anywhere. It’s so frustrating. Thanks for sharing at my party!

  2. Thanks for the great reminder.
    I have started over, and started over, and started over, LOL
    I will keep on starting over. I’m not winning anything but I’m still moving, as long as I’m still moving, I’m still trying.
    BTW: You look great so happy for your success.

  3. I LOVE the C25K program! That’s what I used and I ran my first 5K a couple weeks ago. I’m running my next one next weekend! Best of luck to you!!

  4. Congratulations on your move to WordPress! And I understand the weight loss complacency phase. On the one hand, I think it’s great to not be obsessed with the number on the scale or the bigger love handles my husband has to grab after Christmas. But on the other hand, I wish it were as easy to drop pounds as it was when I first started losing weight! Like you said, it’s a marathon, so we’ll keep going, girl! And it’s nice to know that we’re loved just as we are :)

  5. What did you do to keep yourself motivated? I’ve been wanting to lose a little weight myself over the past few years and have tried, but I lose motivation very quickly.

  6. LOVE THIS! This is something everyone needs to read. There’s always some roadblock (or several) in our lives that we find hold us back from our potential or goals. When those things come, we need to remember not to give up and that sometimes, resetting is a good thing! Can’t tell you how much I love this! Thanks for sharing!

  7. Congratulations! You have done so well and the important thing is you have not given up. You are right about the weight loss journey not being over. If you concentrate on eating right and exercising it will all come together. Good luck and thanks for your post.

  8. I am stopping by from “The Peony Project” link up and am so glad that I did today!! This was such an encouragement to me!! Thank you so much for sharing and for being so open and honest!! Truly an encouragement to me!
    Blessings,
    Rebecca :)

  9. Love this! It can be so hard to keep pushing on after the new-ness has worn off. I find myself in that same boat with so many things. But I love that you realize it is a journey. So you intentionally choose to push on. Thank you for encouraging and reminding us all to keep on running. <3

  10. I am so proud of you! Keep going girlfriend! I totally get where you are coming from with the newness of it all. It is like a brand new calendar – and I love a brand new calendar. :)

  11. You go, girl! No shame is right! And this post is inspiring to me as I’m about a month into my own weight loss journey. Those first two weeks? I was on it! Now? Not so much… but I’m trying to change lifelong habits. It’s good to remember that it will take longer than a month to change. Thanks for sharing!

  12. I love this post. You should be happy where you are at, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s taken me such a long time to find contentment and joy with who I am today while still striving for more for tomorrow. Don’t give up your doing an amazing job, you are beautiful I can tell from your words and the joy that spills out from them. Every time I read your posts I smile, even the slightly sad ones, because you radiate joy. Thank you for linking up with #JoyHopeLive Hope to see you there tomorrow.

    • Hope, you always make my day! I am so thankful for The Peony Project and that I met you through it. Thank you so much for your kindness, and I look forward to linking up again tomorrow! :)

  13. Great thoughts. It absolutely is difficult when the newness wears off. you look great! And as for the running, I have done half marathons and I don’t run for more than maybe a minute at a time without throwing in a walk break. I just don’t think my body is cut out to do that and that’s okay. I hope to do a full marathon one day but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to run the whole time for a 5k! do what works for you:)

    • Thank you so much, Becky! I think your method sounds awesome, and it’s great to know that everyone isn’t just amazing at running super long distances and I’m the only one who can’t do it, haha! I am definitely doing what works for me, and I think that’s why I’m not giving up! :) Thanks for your encouragement!!

  14. In law school, I had a professor who liked to say “you aren’t starting over, you’re simply picking up from another place.” Sometimes I have felt like I was giving up if I was starting over, but the picking up from another place has given me a clearer mindset instead of seeing it as starting over. You’ve come such a far way already, no matter what you can be proud of that!

  15. I totally understand. I’ve been on a weight loss/exercise journey for only about 3 months now, but it is HARD. The newness has already worn off for me. I’m sick of the food I eat, and miss the old stuff. But, I know I need to keep going and moving because I’m not where I want to be yet. Thanks for the boost.

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